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Multi-syllable Words

Posted on September 24, 2012 at 2:05 PM Comments comments (0)

The first grade teacher was starting a new lesson on multi-syllable words. She thought it would be a good idea to ask a few of the children examples of words with more than one syllable. "Jane, Do you know any multi-syllable words?" After some thought Jane proudly replied with Monday. "Great Jane. That has two syllables, Mon......day. Does anyone know another word?" Johnny from the back of the room yells, "I do! I do!" Knowing Johnny's more mature sense of humor she picks Mike instead. "OK Mike, what is your word." Saturday says Mike. "Great, that has three syllables..." Not wanting to be outdone Johnny says "I know a four syllable word. Pick me! Pick me!"

 

Not thinking he can do any harm with a word that large the teacher reluctantly says, "O.K. Johnny what is your four syllable word?" Johnny proudly says, "Mas...tur...ba...tion." Shocked, the teacher, trying to retain her composure says, "Wow, Johnny. Four syllables! That's certainly is a mouthful."

 

"No Ma'am, your thinking of 'blowjob', and that's only two syllables."

Interesting Topic

Posted on May 8, 2012 at 5:20 PM Comments comments (0)

A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on the plane when the stranger turned to the Little Johnny and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

 

Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to the stranger, "What would you like to discuss?"

 

"Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?"

 

"OK," said Little Johnny. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. "A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"

 

"Jeez," said the stranger. "I have no idea."

 

"Well, then," said Little Johnny, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"

Little Johnny At It Again

Posted on March 12, 2012 at 6:05 PM Comments comments (3)

Little Johnny sees his Daddys car passing the playground and going into the woods. Curious, he follows the car and sees Daddy and Aunt Jane kissing.

 

Johnny finds this so exciting and can barely contain himself as he runs home and starts to tell his mother excitedly.

 

"MOMMY, MOMMY, I WAS AT THE PLAYGROUND AND DADDY AND..."

 

Mommy tells him to slow down, but that she wants to hear the story.

 

So Johnny tells her. "I was at the playground and I saw Daddys car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went to look and Daddy was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt, then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane laid down on the seat, then Daddy..."

 

At this point, Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddys face when you tell it tonight."

 

At the dinner table, Mommy asks Johnny to tell his story. He describes the car into the woods, the undressing, laying down on the seat, and, "then Daddy and Aunt Jane did that same thing Mommy and Uncle Jeff used to do when Daddy was in the Army."

Little Johnny And Jimmy

Posted on February 27, 2012 at 7:10 AM Comments comments (1)

While in the playground with his friend, Little Johnny noticed that Jimmy was wearing a brand new, shiny watch. "Did you get that for your birthday?" asked Little Johnny. "Nope." replied Jimmy. "Well, did you get it for Christmas then?". Again Jimmy says "Nope." "You didn't steal it, did you?" asks Little Johnny. "No," said Jimmy. "I went into Mom and Dad's bedroom the other night when they were 'doing the nasty'. Dad gave me his watch to get rid of me.

 

Little Johnny was extremely impressed with this idea, and extremely jealous of Jimmy's new watch. He vowed to get one for himself. That night, he waited outside his parents' bedroom until he heard the unmistakable noises of

 

lovemaking. Just then, he swung the door wide open and boldly strode into the bedroom. His father, caught in mid stroke, turned and said angrily. "What do you want now?" "I wanna watch," Johnny replied.

 

Without missing a stroke, his father said, "Fine. Stand in the corner and watch, but keep quiet."

Little Johnny And Susie

Posted on February 18, 2012 at 6:50 AM Comments comments (0)

Little Johnny and Susie were only 10 years old, but they just knew that they were in love. One day they decided that they wanted to get married, so Johnny went to Susie's father to ask him for her hand. Johnny bravely walked up to him and said "Mr. Smith, me and Susie are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."

 

Thinking that this was the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replied, "Well Johnny, you are only 10. Where will you two live?"  Without even taking a moment to think about it, Johnny replied "In Susie's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."

 

Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith said with a huge grin, "Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Susie." Again, Johnny instantly replied, "Our allowance...Susie makes 5 bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month, and that'll do us just fine." By this time Mr. Smith was a little shocked that Johnny had put so much thought into this. So, he thought for a moment trying to come up with something that Johnny wouldn't have an answer for. After a second, Mr. Smith said, "Well Johnny, it seems like you have got everything all figured out. I just have one more question for you. What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own?"

 

Johnny just shrugged his shoulders and said, "Well, we've been lucky so far....

The Science Teacher

Posted on January 17, 2012 at 3:55 PM Comments comments (1)

The science teacher stood in the front of the class and said, "Children, if you could have one raw material in the world, what would it be?"

 

Little Stevie raised his hand and said "I would want gold, because gold is worth a lot of money and I could buy a Corvette." The teacher nodded, and then she called on little Susie.

 

Little Susie said, "I would want platinum because platinum is worth more than gold and I could buy a Porsche." The teacher smiled, and then she called on Little Johnny.

 

Little Johnny stood up and said, "I would want silicone." The teacher said, "Silicone? Why silicone, Little Johnny?" "Because my mom has two bags of the stuff and you should see all the sports cars outside our house!"

Johnny Strikes Again

Posted on January 2, 2012 at 11:15 AM Comments comments (2)

The teacher comes into the classroom to find `SHIT` written on the blackboard. The teacher gets very furious on reading it. However, the experience got the better of her and she tries to address the problem in a cool fashion.

 

She goes, "We are going to take care of this on the honour system. We are all going to shut our eyes while I count up to hundred, and when we open the eyes, I want that to be erased."

 

They all close their eyes and she counts. Piter-patter. "One hundred!"

 

They open their eyes and look. On the floor below the blackboard is a fresh pile of shit, and chalked above it is "The Phantom strikes again!".

 

Johnny At The Park

Posted on January 2, 2012 at 7:40 AM Comments comments (0)

Little Johnny sees his Daddy's car passing the playground and going into the woods.

 

Curious, he follows the car and sees Daddy and Aunt Jane kissing.

 

Johnny finds this so exciting and can barely contain himself as he runs home and starts to tell his mother excitedly.

 

"MOMMY, MOMMY, I WAS AT THE PLAYGROUND AND DADDY AND...."

 

Mommy tells him to slow down, but that she wants to hear the story.

 

So Johnny tells her. "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went to look and Daddy was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt, then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane laid down on the seat, then Daddy...."

 

At this point, Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."

 

At the dinner table, Mommy asks Johnny to tell his story.

 

He describes the car into the woods, the undressing, laying down on the seat, and, "Then Daddy and Aunt Jane did that same thing Mommy and Uncle Jeff used to do when Daddy was in the Army."

Giving Up

Posted on January 1, 2012 at 4:10 PM Comments comments (0)

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face.

 

"Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked.

 

"To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.

 

"What s the matter?" asked Little Johnny.

 

"Giving up?"

 

What Do You Think?

Posted on January 1, 2012 at 3:10 PM Comments comments (0)

A door-to-door salesman rang the bell at a suburban home, and the door was opened by Little Johnny puffing on a long black cigar.

 

Hiding his amazement, the salesman asked Johnny, "Is your Mother home?"

 

Little Johnny took the cigar out of his mouth, flicked ashes on the carpet, and asked, "What do you think?"

 


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